is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize