Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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