Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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