Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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