Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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