Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
