Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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