Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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