Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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