I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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