I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
