I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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