that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
