i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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