there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
