i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
