Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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