so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
