i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
