I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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