i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
