Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
