I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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