apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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