well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
