What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
