i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
