just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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