dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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