I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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