bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
