You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
