If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
