I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
