I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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