I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
