hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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