If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
