He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
