i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
