Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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