He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
