i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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