we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
