...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
