im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't think brook has ever known best
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
false alarm. still invincible.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
