wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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