Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
