butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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