Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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