I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
