Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
