TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The best revenge is premature balding
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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