I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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