We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
